Open Letter to DragonCon copy writer.

Dear Person responsible for writing the "New for 2009" page for DragonCon.org.

I am not one to complain about the hard work and effort people like yourself put into organizing an event as complicated and challenging as DragonCon. I know it is through your efforts that I get a fantastic party. However you should know that the "New for 2009" page, while a fantastic idea, fails in execution.

When this announcement page was first launched it was clear and informative. At a glance I knew that registration had moved to the Sheraton, and that the member badges were going to be made of a thicker material this year. But shortly thereafter, the page was re-written with all the clear facts hidden behind sloppy in-jokes, rambling stories and intentionally obstruficated 'leet' speak, all presented in Comic Sans. None of the these additions are necessary or helpful.

Which do you think is more clear and informative:

• "Let’s face it; it is really a walk between the Sheraton and the Hyatt. Google Maps lists it as a hike that takes the average person 10 minutes to walk. What Google does not take into account is that the Dragon*Con fan is not the average person. Do you think it would take a wookie carrying two heavy bags of memorabilia or an orc pushing a stroller 10 minutes? No, I think not. Well, you will be happy to know that we will have one of the Dragon*Con buses operation as a “local” shuttle between just the host hotels. And if you have forgotten, those would be the Hyatt, Marriott, Hilton, and Sheraton"

OR

• A Dragon*Con Shuttle bus will be running between the Hyatt, Mariott, Hilton and Sheraton hotels.

Some details involving operational hours and frequency would be good too, but such details may not have been known at the time. Simple, to-the-point facts are always appreciated. I'm sure no one ever read an informational announcement for an event and thought "What this really needs is Star Trek reference."

Also re-think your use of the font "Comic Sans." It is not really appropriate for clear, formal communication, and is best reserved for actual comic bubbles.

The barrage of near identical questions made to the convention planners in every forum, phone call and email must be exhausting, so having clear, centralized announcements is critical. Please consider taking the time to clean this page up to the standard set by other great pages on the DragonCon.org website.

Yours in fandom
DrHaggis

Open letter to Network Television

Dear Network Television,

I know you must have a lot on your mind, considering the continuing writers strike and the November sweeps upon you, but I have a request.

Please stop vomiting your logo, commercials and bullshit text on the lower third of the screen. At best it is distracting, at worst it hides subtitles and supporting text. Stop it.

I know in your eyes the shows are just the filler between the "content" of the ads, but for the duration of show would it be such a sin to let it stand alone without urging us to buy hair products and obscuring the reason I turned to your channel in the first place?

Your Friend,
Drhaggis.

Open Letter to Hollywood

Here is a great open letter to Hollywood by Jim Emerson that I wish I wrote. Presented as an intervention to a loved one who needs serious help and has been self-medicating for too long, Emerson tries to wake up an unfocused and risk-adverse industry. He captures the disappointment that many have been feeling when they look through the localc ineplex listings.

Here is Emerson's take on sequels:

You say there's nothing wrong, you're just fine, that it's always been kinda like this. But "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End," "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," "Hostel Part II" -- these are cries for help, whether you realize it or not.

and on the ghastly trend of torture-porn:

... As increasingly deathlike gore and so-called "torture porn" get more extreme, and more mainstream, how far are you willing to push it before audiences just get sick of it? Sure, these films are targeted primarily at a younger audience -- including those who are supposedly too young to see R-rated movies without a "parent or guardian." But we, and they, know better than that.

I don't know if it will have the intended effect, but it nice to know others feel like I do.

[Link to Letter]

Open Letter: Hand Dryer Manufacturers

Dear Hand Dryer Manufacturers of the world,

I have used your product for my entire life. When I was young I thought they were the greatest thing in the world, or at least the world of public bathrooms. However, as I grew up I realized how crappy most models you make are. They may save on power, but hands are best dried by paper towels.

If you continue to provide this sub-standard product to the marketplace, I suggest an additional instruction be added to the text and pictograph plaque. After "rub hands under vent" the next step is clearly "wipe hands on pants."

Regards,
Drhaggis